New-parent Coach Gifts

"Another set back for the manufacturing sector. There's no way I'll make this delivery date."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

Book: 'From prey to predator in 30 days.'

Parenting Business Deals

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Newborn Chaos

Maternity ward.

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Technology is for babies!"

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

Nanny with children on leash

'Go forth and multiply!'