New-parent Coach Pillows

"Another set back for the manufacturing sector. There's no way I'll make this delivery date."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Parenting Business Deals

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Book: 'From prey to predator in 30 days.'

Newborn Chaos

Maternity ward.

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

Nanny with children on leash

'Go forth and multiply!'

"Oh, grow up!"