Parent Coaches Pillows

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

The best PE teacher in the World.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

The Other Cooperstown

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Parenting Business Deals

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"Technology is for babies!"

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'