Parent Counselor Pillows

'You look down, son. You wanna rock about it?'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Common Core Family Therapy

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

Thunk! Teddy! Pick them up! They're toxic to all living things! Ok. Ok. But you don't have to exaggerate. Regrettably � I'm not.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

Warring parents

Soccer Moms

Interpreters.

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

"Your dad sure worries a lot."

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

"Yes, but that does not constitute 'irreconcilable differences'."

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"