Parenting Council Pillows

"By our estimates, it's going to take two villages to raise Joey."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Parenting Business Deals

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

Nanny with children on leash