Laboratory Assistant Gifts

'No, Igor, not Phillips head...Flat head! Flat head! Bring me the flat head!'

"No you idiot! I said to get a brain, not bran cereal!"

"Not everyone's cut out to be a mad scientist - maybe you're just meant to be a slightly disgruntled lab technician."

"Yeah, the Jekyll and Hyde thing is weird, but if I play it right, I get fed twice."

'Time for a break, Igor - I've been grafting for hours.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'I always have trouble getting the lid off a new jar of brains.'

'You're still my main man, Igor- the monster is just science!'

"So, Mr. Igor - why do you want to be a laboratory assistant?"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"You're such a good listener."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"My homework ate my dog."

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"I hope he has skeletons in his closet."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point.' Tennyson.'

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I'm going to get you fired."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'