Laboratory Worker Gifts

"I hate the team approach."

'Hi dear - how was your day at the genlab?'

Long before Louis Pasteur's epic work, pioneer researcher Boris Zamochovich...

"Don't be intimidated, he didn't work all night. He gets here five minutes early and sprays on fake stubble."

'Forget about it. Your peak breakthrough years were your twenties.'

'I thought the whistle-blowers showed up after we were finished.'

Employees must wash hands before probings

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"You're such a good listener."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"My homework ate my dog."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"I thought you wanted me to change."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point.' Tennyson.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I hope he has skeletons in his closet."

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"I'm going to get you fired."

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."