Lab Worker Gifts

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

Aging Researchers

"Well, your quantum computer is broken in every way possible simultaneously."

'I've just discovered superglue.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Kleinzweck is our resident punk physicist."

"Extracting proteins from ancient bones is a complex business. . ."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

"My homework ate my dog."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"I hope he has skeletons in his closet."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"I thought you wanted me to change."

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I'm going to get you fired."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'No, really, go ahead. You know me - I'm all about the journey, not the food pellet!'