Lab Technician Gifts

"When Dr. Henderson comes in, everybody play dead."

'The GPS eliminates all the guesswork.'

'We've run out of lab rats, Henderson,,,put this on and come with us,'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

'I've narrowed the diagnosis down to 16 possibilities.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

"We were just as surprised by the test results as you. We're still scratching our heads over it."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Keep this to yourself, Henderson, this will fund our research for the next ten years!'

'We ran some samples at the lab... it's dirt alright.'

Animals Testing on Humans: 'Don't worry, they don't feel pain the way we do.'

'Sequencing? No, this baby tells us how much we can charge for genome data.'

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"Kind of makes your feel large and significant, doesn't it?"

"Your right.. It is waving back at us."

'They hate it when you carry the test tubes that way.'

'We need an Exit strategy.'

'I find that if you want to reach your goal sooner, double your failure rate.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

Control and Out of Control Group

"Some genetic engineers we turned out to be!"

Laboratory mouse in a maze with directions.

'...then we add a smidgin of this - that's less than a dollop, but more than a pinch...'

'Cleaning goes against entropy and the natural order.'

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

"Careful, Watson that compound of yours is unstable and HOLY COW its got a GUN!!"

'I was able to neutralize the stress hormone using chocolate.'

'Then, as you can see, we give them some multiple choice tests.'

"You can't keep running in here demanding date every five years!"

Testing the 'All we can do is sit and wait' theory.

Scientists discover a new Superbug

A candidate for a job in scientific research being tested for whether she is too impressionable for unbiased independent thinking.