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"Budget cuts mean that we've had to sell the atomic force microscope."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"I am not asking for directions."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Where did you learn alchemy? Elementary school.

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"I feel so seen right now."

'So I left a little bit out of the genetic code when I cloned you. You're only missing a nose. What's the big deal?'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

'I don't know whether we should call the world pres or keep quiet?'

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

Test-tube people

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"He should get a Nobel prize for thinking he'll get a Nobel prize."

Scientist with test tube.

"We're isolating the obesity gene, but only to make fun of it."

"I think we've been wasting out time testing phones on rats. We already know phones are addictive."

'Do I have a story to tell about Novox Genlab!'