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"Budget cuts mean that we've had to sell the atomic force microscope."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"I am not asking for directions."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'I'm growing mini human brains from stem cells.'

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"We'd like to run a few tests on you to work the kinks out of it."

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"I feel so seen right now."

'So I left a little bit out of the genetic code when I cloned you. You're only missing a nose. What's the big deal?'

'I don't know whether we should call the world pres or keep quiet?'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Test-tube people

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

"The search for a new painkiller has been a real headache."

'I didn't exactly write the article, but...well, I didn't exactly do the research either.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'

'More or less?'

Scientist with test tube.

'Do I have a story to tell about Novox Genlab!'

A psychiatrist is at the end of the maze.

"He should get a Nobel prize for thinking he'll get a Nobel prize."

"We're isolating the obesity gene, but only to make fun of it."

"I think we've been wasting out time testing phones on rats. We already know phones are addictive."