La Liga Loyalist Gifts

Real Madrid to buy every player in the world.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Kenny Dalglish

Bottle Distillery

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Kobe Bryant

Trent Alexander-Arnold

Replica Football Merchandise

'We're still crazy then ...'

Ball and Chain

'Kaplan, you've been traded. ...Sorry about the tattoos.'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

"I hear you're the expert on loyalty."

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

Luis Suarez

'Look pal, we're friends and all, but you need to get out more, meet some people...'

"It doesn't help matters any when he keeps muttering, 'A good captain goes down with his ship'."

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

Airport: Frequent Lost Luggage Desk.

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

Arsene Wenger's piggy bank and Andre Villas Boas.

'That's what I like about him, he always pays his round.'

"Well, you know the old saying, if you want loyalty, get a dog."

Alliance of American Football

Reality Football

"... To be honest, I've forgotten what it was I joined up to forget."

Do It Now! Self help book - "It's well overdue, I just couldn't get round to bringing it back."

"Dad, snap out of it. The postseason ended last week. The Red Sox lost."

'Here's one pound. There's only one team worth watching.'