'The bloke from downstairs has come to complain about the noise.'
Kung Fu Guru Gifts
Searching for a gift that honors your kung fu guru? Explore our collection of cleverly designed mugs, t-shirts, pillows, and prints that celebrate martial arts mastery and the wisdom of your favorite kung fu expert with humor and heart. Perfect for showing appreciation or adding a motivational touch to their space.
'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'
Overjumpers
Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).
"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."
'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'
At the 2021 Religious Games
'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'
Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.
"He's my smart-aleck twin."
"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."
'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'
Guru.
'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'
'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'
How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.
"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."
"Does the N.R.A. know about this?"
Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!
'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'
'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'
'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'
"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"
'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'
Firearms Museum. Blunderbuss. That's funny, I always thought a "blunderbuss" was a messed-up kiss.
"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"
"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"
OM, SWEET OM
Bearded old man atop mountain.
Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.
"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."
The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."
'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'
Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)
'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'
Kung Fu Guru Gifts Collection
Kung Fu Guru Mugs
Explore our collection of kung fu guru mugs, perfect for adding a touch of martial arts humor and inspiration to your favorite beverage routine.
Kung Fu Guru Pillows
Check out our kung fu guru pillows, blending comfort with clever, motivational designs that bring martial arts energy into any space.
Kung Fu Guru Prints
Browse our kung fu guru prints to find dynamic artwork that celebrates martial arts mastery and makes a thoughtful gift for enthusiasts.
Kung Fu Guru T-Shirts
Discover our kung fu guru t-shirts, designed to showcase their martial arts spirit with witty, inspiring graphics — a stylish way to honor their passion.