Kung Fu Guru Pillows

'The bloke from downstairs has come to complain about the noise.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Overjumpers

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"Does the N.R.A. know about this?"

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'