Kosher Keeper Gifts

"And here's a list of food you can't eat."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

Jewish Geometry

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

'I haven't been able to go to sleep in this new bowl.'

A house cat fishes in a goldfish bowl

'Go on - they're organic!'

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Goal

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

"First, do no ham."

"Don't talk to your dad - he hasn't had his morning coffee yet!"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"My majesty!....Hm....I like the sound of that!"

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

"I found this place on Waterbnb."

'Of course I ate the Goldfish: What did they expect me to do? It's my nature, I can't help it...'

'So far I've got Sacramento Kings, L.A. Kings, Kings of Leon, Kings of Comedy, King of Rock 'n Roll...Have I left anyone out of your trademark infringement suit, sire?'

'What luck. It's Kosher.'

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

Dog drinking out of fish bowl, "How many fish were in the bowl before I started drinking?"

"Before it's too late, Dad, I want to take the opportunity to say 'I love you.'"

'Hi. I'm Rabbi Feldman, and I'll be your mohel this evening.'

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

"Actually, I was first drawn to Judaism not because of the religious beliefs but the dietary restrictions!"