Keeper Hopefuls Gifts

Goal

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Billy would watch his ant farm for hours on end.

Raheem Sterling

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

A scarecrow goalie

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Vodka

'My ultimate ambition is a large pond.'

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

'Please Mike! Not in front of the children.'

'Boy, I love pretending to be Jens Lehmann...Now I can go home to watch football on TV!'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"My majesty!....Hm....I like the sound of that!"

Football Security

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

Dog and frog playing football.

'So far I've got Sacramento Kings, L.A. Kings, Kings of Leon, Kings of Comedy, King of Rock 'n Roll...Have I left anyone out of your trademark infringement suit, sire?'

"Before it's too late, Dad, I want to take the opportunity to say 'I love you.'"

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

"Your reputation for taking penalties doesn't scare me... Ready when you are."

'Oh, yes-he popped the question alright-'Who's gonna win the cup?'

'I'll take them all.'

'Looking forward to your retirement, Campbell?'

'305 days until Christmas.'

'You'll have to put away your man cave, dear, the Fenwicks are coming over for dinner!'

'Sorry, folks, but your tax cut was eaten up by attorneys' fees.'

"And here's a list of food you can't eat."