Knighthood Ceremony Gifts

'AAAAGH! Oh, KNEEL! I thought you said my name - Neil!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

Win - win

underwater knight

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Employee of the Month

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

Sir Jasper Murgatroyd

Folk Wedding

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."