Knee Brace Warrior Pillows

Now that my knees are bad, I only chase pickleballs.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

La Table

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

The sofa freshly made up...

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"Is there a seamstress present?"

'Why can I never find my camouflage trousers?'

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

'Bad dog- I said WALKIES!'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

"I'm looking for a nice basic piece of clothing that can fulfill every need I have."

'You're too aggressive.'

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Genius Bar

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

Jeans Styles

'The sequel to The Emperor Wore No Clothes.'

"My goodness, your back is really knotted up this morning, isn't it?"

"Don't get mad at me - you're the one who threw your robe in the dryer."

And this computer comes with a three year warranty, but of course it'll be obsolete in 6 months.

Your appliance maintenance agreement just expired. I'm here for your appliance...'

"I'm not wearing that - it screams first day of school."

'zillions spent learning about weight loss... But no one has a clue about weight shift.'

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"