Warranty Warrior Pillows

"It's guaranteed for the life of the product which, obviously, ended when it broke."

'The dealer says the warranty is good for the life of the car but he's not responsible if the vehicle doesn't live very long.'

"If it's got a lifetime guarantee why are you trying to sell me an extended warranty?"

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'Just before we discuss your eligibility for a refund, are you absolutely sure that you read all the fine-print?'

"Do you want the extended warranty?"

"Oh, great, the warranty is up."

"We're reviewing the security tape to see if you made it into the garage before the warranty ended."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

"If it weren't for our fine workmanship, your car would have fallen apart before the warranty expired, instead of the day after."

Genius Bar

The planned obsolescence blues

'Gimme a day.'

It's the last day of the warranty. Sawing the television in half.

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Your appliance maintenance agreement just expired. I'm here for your appliance...'

'I could pop the hood to take a look, but that would break the manufacturer's seal and void your warranty.'

"You should have read the fine print - the guarantee runs out the moment the product stops working..."

And this computer comes with a three year warranty, but of course it'll be obsolete in 6 months.

"No for your lifetime, just for ITS..."

"This consumer durable isn't."

Burning the midnight oil.

Working hours.

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Nervous Oral Testing

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

Pull an all-nighter?

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

"I think I see your deadline approaching."

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."