Warehouse Warrior Pillows

"One day, this will all be yours. But right now, I need you down in the warehouse."

"They're considering order-fulfillment as a new Olympic sport."

I found a Costco.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Stop the throw-away mentality! Save resources! A New Year every 750 days is quite enough!"

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'To help save the environment, I've replaced all of our lightbulbs with compact fluorescents. Now I'm running the old ones over to the landfill...'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'