Warranty Wizard Pillows

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

"You'll never believe what kind of bumper-to-bumper warranty this baby has."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"If you look closely you'll see that your three year guarantee only applies to the years 1968 to 1971."

"We only got six days of funding."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

"Lovely dovetail."

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"This electric car is environmentally friendly and will bring your family closer together."

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'McWit, did you forget to pay the gravity bill this month again?'

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

Handy-lion

"Have you tried switching it off and on again?"

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

'I hope this is not a reflection on the staff, but the management has asked me to dumb it down.'

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."

Woodwork

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

Genius Bar

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

"Frankly I was expecting something a bit more sophisticated..."

Stocktaker counts contents of baked-bean tins.

'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'

'It's no use Lieutenant - he's still refusing to separate his recyclables.'

It's been a pleasure taking you to the cleaners.