Knee Brace Warrior Gifts

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

La Table

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

The sofa freshly made up...

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"Is there a seamstress present?"

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

'Bad dog- I said WALKIES!'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'Why can I never find my camouflage trousers?'

"I'm looking for a nice basic piece of clothing that can fulfill every need I have."

'You're too aggressive.'

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

Genius Bar

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

'zillions spent learning about weight loss... But no one has a clue about weight shift.'

"I'm not wearing that - it screams first day of school."

"My goodness, your back is really knotted up this morning, isn't it?"

And this computer comes with a three year warranty, but of course it'll be obsolete in 6 months.

'The sequel to The Emperor Wore No Clothes.'

Jeans Styles

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"

The Moth Menace.