Kitschy Humor Gifts

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Glance Exchange

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

Save Our Universe

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Optimist

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Ostriches making out

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'You can't come in here with that.'

"Underweird bras."

'The Lemming Book Store'