Quirky Humor Gifts

"Lost" socks are not accepted into society until after they have stolen a pair of your reading glasses.

'A momentary rift in the space-time continuum.'

'I've got an amoeba here who wants to go to Officer's Candidate School.'

'Now children - stop playing with your food.'

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"I've just broken my glasses... Will I have to be examined all over again?"

"If you can't sleep you may as well be productive and guard the meth lab."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

The Black Sheep

'The wife has me on a strict 'O Negative' diet.'

Tuba attack

"Underweird bras."

COMPUTER PLAY-DATING SERVICE

Fat Kid 22- Experiments with hard drugs

"I just have this feeling that if I drove off a cliff, nobody would really miss me."

At First Van Gogh attempts to impress by cutting off his ear flap.

'Edible food! Eeeeedible food!'

Vendors.

Model Village - snort! snort! sniff!

'Something tells me Master is trying to teach us a lesson and we should stop eating his goldfish...'

'Here's your license!'

Ostriches making out

"Don't worry! I'm a very experienced babysitter."

"Just ignore Walter - He's feeling anti-social today."

Farmer Doll!

Mom's Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.95.

Outside the Novox Genlab, a man is walking a cow.

"The banana peels create dramatic tension."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell