Quirky Humors Gifts

Sucessful forth place

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Fresh pepper?"

Astral Projection

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."