Kitchen Sorceress T-Shirts

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

Master Mum

Come dine with me!

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Benihana style of cooking.

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

You're the sizzle in my roast!

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Witch's Brew.

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

Surprise in the salad bowl

Husband bakes a pie

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

"Gigot de sept heures."

A Creature WAS Stirring

Hot pot

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

The legend of Chef Arthur.

"More helium."

"Fridge-to-table"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."