Gourmet Sorcerer T-Shirts

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'Needs salt!'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

If Disney was a software company

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Witch's Brew.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"All I've got left is smoked."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Try typing "wishes," then hold down the "command" key.

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

Pizza Fencing

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

Master Mum

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

"How was the food sir?"

"Oh, knock it off! It's only cream of asparagus."

"Oh, this is terrible! I love it!"

"Making your own potions is old fashioned. I order mine online and pop it into the microwave!"

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

"Tonight, the part of the sea bass will be played by the chicken."

'I'm looking for the perfect coffee to pair with a toaster strudel & a banana.'