Kitchen Philosopher Gifts

The little preservative that could

'Dang! The recession is over and we didn't even know it!'

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

It's hard to when I'm always under pressure."

Enjoyment...reading...choosing...understanding.

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

'How hard would it be to put your dirty glass in the dishwasher, instead of leaving it on the counter?'

"My comfort food upset me."

Paradigms: Gravity - Evolution by natural selection - A watched autoclave never boils.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Overwhelmed by life's beauty and magic, Alice thought to herself, 'Dear God, perfect ice cubes once again!'

"I couldn't decide what to cook for dinner, so I didn't cook anything."

'Scared of this, why? I'm no chicken, are you?'

Servant reproaching mistress for not knocking before she entered the kitchen

"He once fell into the garbage disposal and doesn't like to talk about it."

Sugar and Margarine

"I think the chef is depressed again."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"You better run, lover boy. If my husband catches you here, he's going to want me to make him breakfast, too."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

'I went home the other day and smelt a delicious meal cooking in the kitchen... then I realized I'd gone to the wrong house!'

A doctor in her kitchen agonizes over the ethics of pulling the plug on her ailing toaster.

"I said, 'How's the trial separation going for you?'"

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

'So...They got you too..'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

"Experience is the best teacher! But you have to attend classes for many, many years."

"Remember...the way to a person's heart is through their stomach!"

"What's the speed of dinner tonight... slow cooker or fast food?"

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Food Blog

"Oh come on, Gerald, admit it. You're in one of your moods."

"That's your separation anxiety? When the oil separates in your all-natural peanut butter?"

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."