Kitchen Mishap Master Gifts

'My wife always switches the smoke detector off when she cooks.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'My hero!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Is it still edible?'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

Firemen called to a cooking accident.

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'