Cooking Mishap Master Gifts

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

DIY expert.

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'I don't think it's cooked yet, but there's smoke coming out of the oven.'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"Arrrrrrrrr. This be bad."

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

Firemen called to a cooking accident.

Murphy's Slaw.

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'A small amount of milk can turn into so much.'

'We had to cancel the shish-ka-bob - Our chef isn't allowed to handle sharp objects.'

Gone To Hospital.