Culinary Mishaps Gifts

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'I don't think it's cooked yet, but there's smoke coming out of the oven.'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Arrrrrrrrr. This be bad."

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"What's wrong? I baked it from scratch."

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"Okay, let's eat."

Murphy's Slaw.

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'I don't understand it. I boiled the steak for 20 minutes!'

'We had to cancel the shish-ka-bob - Our chef isn't allowed to handle sharp objects.'

"I was looking at a food site, and I left the tab open overnight. Judging by the bugs, the food went bad."