Culinary Mishap Artist Gifts

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

'Is it still edible?'

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"

"Dinner isn't ready yet. I haven't heard the smoke alarm go off."

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Sandwich Fail

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

"Okay, let's eat."

Murphy's Slaw.

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'