Culinary Mishap Artist Pillows

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"The fire department ruined dinner."

'Is it still edible?'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'You ate the styrofoam, and left the meringue.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"Dinner isn't ready yet. I haven't heard the smoke alarm go off."

"Okay, let's eat."

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Sandwich Fail

Murphy's Slaw.

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

"So, that's 'flambe'..."