Kitchen Illusionist T-Shirts

Come dine with me!

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Hungry child

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Wok. Don't Wok.

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'I was in the catering corps.'

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Surprise in the salad bowl

Ghostbasters 3

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Hot pot

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Amy Sedaris

Avocado Timeline

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

The legend of Chef Arthur.

"Fridge-to-table"