Kitchen Caper Fan Gifts

'It looks like the Great Asparagus Cutter has got your number.'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

It's all gravy.

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Does it come with magnets?"

Dog imagines its master as a meat chart.

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'What kind of...'

Wall Cluck.

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

Caution: Fork in road ahead.

'Excuse me sir, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

Rep-Tiles.

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'No, I don't think you're a mental case, Mrs Clydehopper. Then again, this is a furniture store, and I'm a salesman...'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'

'Keep an eye out for the cookie police.'

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'I know junk e-mail is everywhere but spam on toast?'

'The bill, you're joking! I never used to pay my mum.'

'Before I bring it in,darling-don't forget you married JANIE Oliver and not Jamie!'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

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