Kitchen Caper Fan T-Shirts

'It looks like the Great Asparagus Cutter has got your number.'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

It's all gravy.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Does it come with magnets?"

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

Wall Cluck.

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

'What kind of...'

Caution: Fork in road ahead.

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'Excuse me sir, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?'

Rep-Tiles.

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'

'Keep an eye out for the cookie police.'

'I know junk e-mail is everywhere but spam on toast?'

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

'The bill, you're joking! I never used to pay my mum.'

'Before I bring it in,darling-don't forget you married JANIE Oliver and not Jamie!'

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

' I don't care if their ad says they stand behind every bed they sell, I want him out of here...'

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