Kitchen Calamity Wrangler Gifts

Landslide Hazard

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Roasted

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

It's all gravy.

Bake off: Flan B

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

Toastquest!

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'Before I bring it in,darling-don't forget you married JANIE Oliver and not Jamie!'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

All sizzle and no roast

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't faked headaches?"

'I told you she is a bad cook - that's just defrosting the chips.'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"You were supposed to take it to be repaired today."