Chaotic Household Wrangler Gifts

'40...50...60 tops.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Toastquest!

Parental Training Course

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"Ya, that's right. Blame the help."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

Landslide Hazard

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

"The thing with tiny kitchens is it's all about stacking, patience and resenting all your previous life choices."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

Happy Birthday MUM!

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

'But we can't go to Australia for our honeymoon, you know how my Mother hates flying!'

Multitasking.

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.

Mom? Any chance you could take the kids to your friend's lake cabin? Trying to get them out of your house? Roger. I want to put the vacate" back in vacation.

"I thought I told you two to stop horsing around in here."

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."