Chaotic Household Wrangler Gifts

'40...50...60 tops.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Parental Training Course

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

Toastquest!

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"Ya, that's right. Blame the help."

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Landslide Hazard

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

Happy Birthday MUM!

"The thing with tiny kitchens is it's all about stacking, patience and resenting all your previous life choices."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'But we can't go to Australia for our honeymoon, you know how my Mother hates flying!'

"I don't understand people who say children should be seen and not heard. Why would anyone want to hear them?"

Multitasking.

"I thought I told you two to stop horsing around in here."

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."