Chaos Wrangler Gifts

Jerkins and I worked it out. He can have the office with the window.'

"The last of the paperwork harvest is in."

"I yearn for human isolation,"

Marvin gets a pocket organizer.

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Hoovering up before firemen go in.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"Now do you understand why we offer cash, a vacation and other incentives to babysit him?"

Please pick up after your kid

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Tonight's homework...scatter some Legos on the floor, turn out the lights and try to make it across the room."

"Please don't ever make me babysit again!"

"I've got three pre-schoolers at home so I had to memorize the Serenity Prayer."

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

'I'd do some work but I can't find my to-do-list.'

'I broke the yolk, my kid spilled her milk in my purse . . . Yes, I'm late. You're lucky I'm here at all. Now, out of my way Mr Big Shot Senior Vice President, so i can get some coffee.'

Parental Training Course

'I'm living a life of desperation, but with teenagers, it's anything but quiet.'

"Today is the day I start the new me!"

"Where the heck is my phone?"

Information Manager

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.

Multitasking.

'If I knew exactly where I lost his insulin - it would not be lost - would it!?!'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"The thing with tiny kitchens is it's all about stacking, patience and resenting all your previous life choices."

Mom? Any chance you could take the kids to your friend's lake cabin? Trying to get them out of your house? Roger. I want to put the vacate" back in vacation.

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

Interior design trends for parents....

The First Martian Dog.

"What did you download at school today?"

High Riders of the Old West

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

'I'm here to fix your robotic milker.'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'