Kitchen Calamity Navigator Gifts

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Landslide Hazard

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

"Is that your smoke alarm beeping?"

All sizzle and no roast

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'

I left the milk out in a sunny spot on the counter today. In this case "warm and fuzzy" is not a good thing.

Fire In Restaurant