Kitchen Calamity Navigator T-Shirts

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

Landslide Hazard

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

All sizzle and no roast

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

"Is that your smoke alarm beeping?"

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'

'A small amount of milk can turn into so much.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'