Kitchen Calamity Explorer T-Shirts

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Bake off: Flan B

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Please don't tell me they're making broth."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

All sizzle and no roast

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'Something moved!'

"Is that your smoke alarm beeping?"

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'Oh no, freezer's on the blink again!'