Kitchen Calamity Connoisseur T-Shirts

All sizzle and no roast

"Ok if I enter the disaster area, dear?"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Cook au vin

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Sandwich Fail

Smoke gets in your eyes.