Culinary Calamity Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

Sandwich Fail

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Murphy's Slaw.

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Thanksgiving Dinner Highlights

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

All sizzle and no roast