Culinary Calamity Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Sandwich Fail

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Murphy's Slaw.

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

All sizzle and no roast

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Thanksgiving Dinner Highlights

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'