Kitchen Disaster Navigator T-Shirts

"Is that your smoke alarm beeping?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'My hero!'

"You have arrived at your destination."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"...when oil begins shimmering...stir in vegetables and cook until tender."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Dinner isn't ready yet. I haven't heard the smoke alarm go off."

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"