Kitchen Chaos Navigator T-Shirts

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

How to correctly estimate cooking time

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Cookbooks

Kitchen Tetris

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Man's cooking explodes.

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Ten out of ten for effort...

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

Cooking

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Disaster in the kitchen.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"You have arrived at your destination."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

"I mean, he does have a point."

Cook au vin

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.