Kitchen Chaos Navigator T-Shirts

Ron, I used this while you were on vacation. Please refill. Love, mother.

How to correctly estimate cooking time

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Cookbooks

Kitchen Tetris

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

Man's cooking explodes.

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Ten out of ten for effort...

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Cooking

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"You have arrived at your destination."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

Cook au vin

"I mean, he does have a point."

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

"Glad you have time for lunch today, honey."

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'