Kitchen Navigator T-Shirts

"You have arrived at your destination."

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

Salt and Pepper

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

How to correctly estimate cooking time

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

"I'm unable to process this image."

Boy baking a cake.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

"Are you as excited as I am?"

Rowing machine on a river.

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

"A number of items on that menu are consistently chosen by an overwhelming majority of the American people."

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

'Careful,dear- don't order anything you can't pronounce.'

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."