King Of The Courtroom Gifts

"They claim they're being used as pawns and are filing a lawsuit."

"Surprise!"

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

Planet of the Lawyers

'Verheyen! How many times have I told you? Don't let your personal life affect your play on the court.'

Basketball

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

An angry barbecue.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"What makes me a great attorney, as opposed to an adequate one? - My brother, the judge."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

Restrictive Abortion Laws

'Tragically, Mr. Cornwell was unable to afford a personal ethicist.'

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'Big advantage!!'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'I would advise against suing the devil, his lawyers are really good.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"