Courtroom Legend Gifts

How Lawyers Evolved.

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

Criminal Stupidness

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

Judge

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'