Courtroom Legend Gifts

How Lawyers Evolved.

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

Judge

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."