Courtroom Tales Gifts

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

I love Lawyers

"Now that's a win."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"We make crime pay."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

Justice 4 Ron

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Sue The Bastards

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'